Teleport back down the ether where the fuck is this okay this is good a good come down least not behind the wheel and first thing you see is a pair of boots good details dude snap to just breathe breathe I’m breathing shut up. Brown leather rounded scuffed to fuck check teardrop black tar like superglued there green stripes three Adidas the ones from the where doesn’t matter the REI store the mothership in Portland okay this is Boulder the foot of the flats the flat irons the salt flats are back in Memphis this is
what ya reckon 1994 uh huh that tar teardrop this is the penny lane parking lot you’re safe as the lost boys in peter pan light smoke gather your sense that black teardrop was that like six canyon run with Stillwell in June the fanger that madman yer cousin from the holler up wheeling fucking west VA okay yeah 94 not 95 not ninety-five the boy gets here in ‘95 yeah I know just don’t ask anybody the date and for fuck sake don’t stare don’t talk to ghosts
pat yourself down quick left handed
run the numbers boots you can run fight climb wall in check
check
get yer nut on a swivel yeh I know pop
knife check
black Gerber the gut sticker
half pack camel filters crushed soft pack
yellow lighter not the lime green
when did that start
fuck. years back
doesn’t matter true
lime green everything. things go left
but yellow is. open sandbox
yellow claims no number
the yellow cabs are tagged
branded are you
you saying this shit out loud
no only whispers the inside voice
hat check vintage blue LA faraway blue
wallet check eight dollars about right
yeah the system tricky even numbers lucky
only if green if money
cash because cash is on the metric system
the world is all evens and fucking
we still count miles in feet on the 12s
no theories focus for fuck
the 2112 house the Tom Sawyer pirate ranch
oh shit what month hard to say
boulder sky blue and white puffs
every fucking day till it dumps three feet white
black north face one the one you keep
patching holes with Barcelona patch
black and silver union jack on back
where the thorn bush
tennessee three star patch left shoulder shut up
the fuck up
no you’re cool smoke and pull up the details
black jeans black sometimes land in brown
focus like do the razor the what is it dilate
no contract you always fuck that up you’re wearing
the brown suede jean jacket beat to shit over the north face
so this is Nov very fucking latest drink your coffee look sharp
blue watch face steel case 1305 solid number
one oh five pm
okay light a crooked smoke gather your wits
the fuck are you supposed to be
where does she need to be so do what
go find M
fuck no you need to do what you’re fucking. dude this isn’t the butterfly effect. when did. when when did that man this is 95 that Ashton cat he even born yet maybe big Ethan how old are those dudes say when brother doesn’t believe in time okay look at this traffic the razor the look sharp dude this is a Saturday
you always work Saturday
this is the corner of pearl and what okay what are you doing going into penny lane where are you supposed to be yellow cab no these key ring is just the house pat yourself down get a grip a fucking grip don’t do the threes dude head on a swivel scan for the yellow I see seven yellow cabs okay check the numbers 88 nah never drove it 117 fuck no 33 no the only cars you ever drove were 69 and 72 those other numbers all of em fucked tricky deceptively unlucky not lucky
88 eternity everybody wrecks that fucker
117 nah just no almost died a thousand times 17 was
dark
33 no fuck no JC strung up at 33
just another myth another story not now plus it’s a good story a banger all that fucking matters this is ‘94 just say
dope as fuck works anywhere any timeline
drink your coffee check the backpack should have done that shit first you’re just smoking staring at nothing shut up you’ve already been inside penny will give you that pale crook eye you come back in maybe I’m on break check the periphery I am motherfucker I always am there’s not yellow cab the red raleigh is not here not with fuck me it’s at the stork why are you so slow fuck you it’s the bends from the just duck down check the pack see if penny goddamnit is her name penny or do we just call her that check see did she give you anything detail fucking focus if one of these yellow Vics was mine it might be weed if you’re at the stork today it’s a video the video tells you for fuck sake details find the story sling the pack and crouch run the zip fuck me white shopping bag let it be
yeah fucking right blue white VHS clamshell yeah it is fucking free willy blood porn day gonna get real this one never changes the loop stays every time same the same story you’ve dreamed
dreamed this one and told it and saw it
you see it stop it toss that butt fucking bounce if the time clock is yellow
never yellow was once dream that was
fuck Mary pull up your skirt and git it ah Stillwell’s voice in head that mad mountain cat don’t start yeah maybe nah this free will he was out the desert somewhere on his bike run some pancake run some breece pancake lines through your head toss the coffee look sharp get to the stork
1994 looks like september in a week two or three back to the shelter
should could go find M. yeah if what if what no this free willy thing gonna happen the free willy big black dick blood porn story happens every time it always happens if still surfing after story maybe where is she probably at the lab always or no is she at work don’t know this always strobes left after free willy and the whale and the big black dick need to.
check periphery find your bike okay cool yellow lighter never know this can go left or right never goes right left always left okay yeah run some breece lines go the razor the zen close one eye open the other run the scene you know what’s coming yeah I know the red bike is always locked in the same spot
the free willy big dick story always happens was always
the variations irrelevant
strobe flash slow this down run the
scene what’s coming.
I’m standing in parking lot out back of the Video Stork. the only shop in boulder in Colorado for all you know that delivers
the place is jammed I can see the shadows bob and weave through
glass bright sun yellow splashes who is working today
mayhem in there full of cubs and grommets grubby little fucks and their moms and dads flipping through the stacks and they all want the last Free Willy tape in your backpack and you walk in like yesterday look around nothing has changed the indy sci-fi down and to the left the French flicks round the corner the anime and manga wall you had this place memorized once the new releases up front beaded curtains to the porn cave slightly vibrating down the right all the phones are ringing and that little dude the little mother scratcher with the black dodgers cap the bizarro dodger verse red hair dark brown eyes huge wearing a dead Goku t-shirt one two three one hey mister do you have free willy free willy willy something somehow the goku grommet does this reverb echo location thing with his voice makes my eyes twitch and behind him the mother long blonde legs feet in birks the old school and she’s doing the head shake no please god no and mimes throat slash phantom knife they have seen Willy a thousand sorry little dude no free willy today I just got here but yeah no looks like I don’t look I’ll check okay give me like five minutes okay if this goes as I expect you might get the last free willy never know okay mister.
all the phones are ringing.
no staff who the. who is on today.
new girl Lucy. in the back. head in her hands the midget porn dude on speaker phone talking. about midgets amputees donkeys and such all the rule 34 shit he can spew dude this motherfucker I can’t wait to see him. take the cordless off Lucy give her signal for take a break offer smoke she bobs her head nah she quit told me that last time she nods toward back door the boss is here the fat fuck bitches us out if we talk crazy to the porn fuckers the most steady stream of business dozens of videos every day and this jackwipe on phone is like part owner supposedly so just go easy never mind goes the same every. time.
midget porn dude is still talking now sounds like charlie browns teachers wah wah wah but talking fetish shit breath crack your neck put the phone to my ear hey sir this is jack never give these cunts your real name I need to put you on hold one minute and he’s already huffing. give me two minutes sir he wants me to do a walkabout behind the beaded curtain read off titles for him he was hounding Lucy to do it no doubt pretty sure he jerks off to that huffing.
puffing.
no motherfucker don’t you put me on hold
every time.
not gonna read these fucking titles the titles are all the same he does the same thing every. fucking. makes you walk around grunting genres at him redhead big black dick asian the standard and always goes rule 34 with all the freaky shit no sir we don’t have amputee porn you ask. that. every time. and finally grunts groans growls at you to just pick out two and two goddamn good ones and look just time lapse through that shit it goes down how it goes down and you really.
never know exactly how this next part goes.
the variations the glimmer.
residuals bleed into other strands dream into memory into
grab the meanest looking big black dick video the porn clamshells always fucking are like. oily. smeared with lube. wait for it.
hurry fuck up the midget porn dude says.
which sorts it every time. big black cock with a spooked looking pale twink playmate submissive bald about to get corn holed and free willy it is. sling the two of them in my pack and holler at Lucy back in seven head out the pack pulling on gloves the batter’s gloves like a freak you lost the north face set the gray ones where did you ldoesn’t matter focus. the razor. the eye.
stop for a good long edgy tick. and another tick.
the fucking time clock is yellow what. does that mean what I can’t. just go dude this motherfucker come on. snap on the left glove first left to right adjust the velcro tab just so and just go. scoop the red Raleigh mountain bike and fly.
*another rough. in progress. more of free willy and the big dick midget dude story tomorrow. oh yeah. these are the true fictions the photo memory flashes. hundreds of them coming. thousands. every crazy job every dead body every mugging gone wrong every tripping hippie trying to buy a sandwich with a dead flower every tweeker hitchhiker every drug deal gone sideways every one I can remember they keep coming and more. the Naropa stories. the shelter. the ER in a blizzard story. the trade you my prosthetic leg for that knife story. the yellow cab drug mule runs with the clown Saudi prince stories. the wheelchairs in the road stories. taking miss Dot to fill her scrips on Tuesdays at the Woolworth only she can see. the hemet full of blood. and two months before the free willy incident I was talking to Jim Carroll about phantom snipers on the roof he was positive the people they blamed him for Columbine no matter what I said. Kesey and the odd awkward decidedly too racist stage play of an interpretation of an interpretation of a badly mistranslated wizard of Oz stage play at the Roxy. and Cubby was there. long stoned chats with Hubert Selby about requiem for a dream. all that second summer 94. all of all the stories are coming the thousand.
peace.
The concept of autobiography as a genre is beginning to blur, expand, mutate, become.